Airline Announcements ( joke )

Lufthansa Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain :"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergencyand we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmersare on the right side of the plane after this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request .

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captainonce again made an announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane.
For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You For Flying
Lufthansa- ".
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British Airways

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcomeyou aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London .

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, youwill observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."